The girl with empty eyes

I hate snow. Not like a small cute hate, no a full blown hate. And its snowing again *kicks snow*

I was actually playing grownup today. I started looking at schools for next year and before I knew it all these ideas popped up. I know I will search to the school I am at next year and I will probably get in (my teacher said so herself) but I need more options. I have some more schools I wanna look into but I also ended up on the ams website (job-searchin-site) and part of me wants to go that line instead. Get a job in Gothenburg maybe, save up some money and go somewhere else. Maybe move to Stockholm and spend more time with my cousin/brother? ...maybe move to London for a while? Getting a fresh start is very tempting right now.
Of course all those things will still be there after one more year at this school...so who knows what will happen.

I will end with another old poem, it was written for a contest on a forum sometime last year I think. The word we had to go on was 'rain'.

The girl with empty eyes;

Teardrops falling from the sky

Making smatter against the window

Small lines falling against the glass

Ripples spreading them apart

One girl with empty eyes

Following them to their death

Hoping that just one would live forever

Finger tips against the glass to give hope a hand

Tears falling down her green eyes

Seeking comfort on her waiting lips

But dies out before they reach it

Like the raindrops on the window

19 days

Right I suck at updating. Deal with it xD

Things are been kinda crazy lately so that is my excuse.
I'm back at school, still feeling off and only 3 days before school starts.
In short words, me and my mum are having a fight, a MAJOR one. Or well maybe not a fight, I just don't talk to her. I have a good reason, she's starting to turn again. Its what she does when she finds someone better then me. It happened with her ex (that almost broke me all together. I hate him) and now I thought it would be okay because her new b-friend is actually pretty cool. But no. Is it wrong to hate your mother?

My cousin is looking for apartment in Stockholm. I know he was maybe getting a job there but now its getting real. My brother is moving away...my safe-line is moving to the other side of the country. I don't know if I can deal with that...

I wrote this quite a long time ago...

19 days

19 days I’ve survived without you.

No more pain or suffering.

Leaving you was the best I could do.

But I can’t help but ask myself.

Are you missing me too?

The beat inside is driving me mad.

Like some kind of electric shots.

Pictures of old American movies flashes by.

Justice making innocent people pay.

I’m shaking through the night.

Just need you now but I can’t reach out.

You’re right here, within my sight.

You’re here for me, only for me.

Like a friend who never truly leaves.

But you’re destroying me, can’t you see?

A friend of yours visited today.

She said you sent her.

That you told her to stay.

Maybe she’ll never leave me now.

And just like with you I might obey.

I’m shaking through the night.

Just need you now but I can’t reach out.

You’re right here, within my sight.

You’re here for me, only for me.

Like a friend who never truly leaves.

I need you know, don’t you see?

19 days without you.

19 days.

Is that all I can do?

19 days.

Are you missing me t00?

I want an anti-depression button

Today was my one day when I could sleep. Did I get to sleep? NO. My grandmother called at 8:30, not to be all nice, no to ask if we were coming today. So I ended up calling my mum at 8:40 complaining my heart out and she called and took care of it all. We're going to visit my grandmother tomorrow, so no sleeping then either but my mum promised lots of pillows and blankets in the backseat of the car for me.

So now I am just hanging out, watching Law and Order:svu (bought season 1 on dvd yesterday) and waiting for my friend to wake up so we can hang out and have our 'breakfast and movie' dates. We used to have them all the time before I moved and I miss them alot.

My mum will be home later and then we'll go and see my aunt and the puppy. Then on monday I will have the puppy all to myself all evening as I am puppy-sitting. Though my mum may go with me. I am also meeting my dad on monday, fun...not.

Now I am gonna go and get some coffee and watch more svu, I really can not see myself do much else today. I just want to hide under the covers in my bad all day ... ugh I hate feeling like this. Can't humans just have a button to turn off depression? Being home helps a lot but I can't go home everytime I feel bad. Sure my teacher seems to think it was a good decision but I want to be able to handle it better.
I want an anti-depression button!!

Small update

So I got to go home today to Gothenburg. I was supposed to have 2 and a half more days of school but I was feeling extremely crappy last night and my grandmother is sick so my teacher told me to go home, rest, spend time with my family and not worry about school. She is kinda nice sometimes.

So I took the train home, hardly anyone on the train which was nice but the guy taking the tickets creeped me out. Usually they are grympy...this guy was nice...not just nice, serial killer nice. Anyway, I spent the whole ride listening to my IPod and was half asleep, my anti-anxiety pills kinda does that...especially if I take them without brekfast, which I of course did.
Got home, met a friend for a walk and decided to meet her again before I go back to school. Then my mum got home and she was really nice. Scary.

This post is totally meaningless but I want to post so my friends don't tease me for not posting. So there, I posted.
I will post some kind of poem or stories soon, I promise but now I am way too tired.