perfection

Today was perfect.

Spent time with Linda. Had breakfast tea out in the sun.

Best day ever.

My family came. We made dinner, had chocolate cake and walked around school with Ada the cutest puppy in the world.

I wish every day was like today.

I even smell of pure sunlight <3

"bad woff woff."

I never update this but today I had a strange urge to do so. So I am updating.
My break has been great so far. Went home to my mum on Tuseday of last week. Spent some lazy days in Gothenburg, went shopping and hang out with my mum. It was nice.
Friday my teacher called, that was odd. She can't deal with me and Elin not being friends, but she'll have to deal. Then we went to my grandmother in Strömstad aka the end of the world where crabs and shrimp owns the land. Friday evening was spent with me cuddling Ada the puppy, grandmother was watching Så ska det låta (swedish music show) while me and mum talked and got evil looks.
Saturday was HUGE party day. 23 guests, only 3 people under age of 30...me and Nils age 4 and Astrid age 2. Yes soooooo much fun....not. Though Nils thought I was cool, so he was alright. And me taught Astrid to say pink and my name. Apart from that hanging out with them was mostly like this...

Astrid: woff woff, pet pet
Me: You wanna pet her? I'll hold her. You can pet her.
(Astrid moved towards Ada. Ada moves slightly and Astrid runs backwards)
Astrid: bad woff woff.
Nils looks at his father)
Nils: I want a dog daddy.

So while people got drunk me hid in room with laptop and did some writing. Then we went home on Sunday and some more lazy days in Gothenburg followed. I never know how much I love that city until I leave it. Seriously spårvagnar to Nässjö!!
Went back to school yesterday. Met Erika before I even got my door open. Me had food in one hand and she carried huge carpet. It was quite odd but fun xD
Duracell Linda came but last night and we sat and talked for a bit. It was nice. She said we would watch movie today but she didn't knock until 8pm and I was the shower so I did what normal people do and hide haha.
My friend Lyss has been away for a week now (she'll be home today) but me and my friend Annie had WAY too much fun. We texted almost for 5 days straight (my phone bill will hate me) but it was great. I kinda <3 that girl a lot lately.

As for school I am a little bit behind. My short movie is kinda of done, all pictures are done just need to put it together. But we also have to decide on a project for the rest of the semester and I made a plan. A very good plan for a collection of short stories. I do kinda of feel like I want to change my mind though. I would love to write more kids stories, we'll see. I'll aks my friends when they get back, they are all very smart xD

The girl with empty eyes

I hate snow. Not like a small cute hate, no a full blown hate. And its snowing again *kicks snow*

I was actually playing grownup today. I started looking at schools for next year and before I knew it all these ideas popped up. I know I will search to the school I am at next year and I will probably get in (my teacher said so herself) but I need more options. I have some more schools I wanna look into but I also ended up on the ams website (job-searchin-site) and part of me wants to go that line instead. Get a job in Gothenburg maybe, save up some money and go somewhere else. Maybe move to Stockholm and spend more time with my cousin/brother? ...maybe move to London for a while? Getting a fresh start is very tempting right now.
Of course all those things will still be there after one more year at this school...so who knows what will happen.

I will end with another old poem, it was written for a contest on a forum sometime last year I think. The word we had to go on was 'rain'.

The girl with empty eyes;

Teardrops falling from the sky

Making smatter against the window

Small lines falling against the glass

Ripples spreading them apart

One girl with empty eyes

Following them to their death

Hoping that just one would live forever

Finger tips against the glass to give hope a hand

Tears falling down her green eyes

Seeking comfort on her waiting lips

But dies out before they reach it

Like the raindrops on the window

19 days

Right I suck at updating. Deal with it xD

Things are been kinda crazy lately so that is my excuse.
I'm back at school, still feeling off and only 3 days before school starts.
In short words, me and my mum are having a fight, a MAJOR one. Or well maybe not a fight, I just don't talk to her. I have a good reason, she's starting to turn again. Its what she does when she finds someone better then me. It happened with her ex (that almost broke me all together. I hate him) and now I thought it would be okay because her new b-friend is actually pretty cool. But no. Is it wrong to hate your mother?

My cousin is looking for apartment in Stockholm. I know he was maybe getting a job there but now its getting real. My brother is moving away...my safe-line is moving to the other side of the country. I don't know if I can deal with that...

I wrote this quite a long time ago...

19 days

19 days I’ve survived without you.

No more pain or suffering.

Leaving you was the best I could do.

But I can’t help but ask myself.

Are you missing me too?

The beat inside is driving me mad.

Like some kind of electric shots.

Pictures of old American movies flashes by.

Justice making innocent people pay.

I’m shaking through the night.

Just need you now but I can’t reach out.

You’re right here, within my sight.

You’re here for me, only for me.

Like a friend who never truly leaves.

But you’re destroying me, can’t you see?

A friend of yours visited today.

She said you sent her.

That you told her to stay.

Maybe she’ll never leave me now.

And just like with you I might obey.

I’m shaking through the night.

Just need you now but I can’t reach out.

You’re right here, within my sight.

You’re here for me, only for me.

Like a friend who never truly leaves.

I need you know, don’t you see?

19 days without you.

19 days.

Is that all I can do?

19 days.

Are you missing me t00?

I want an anti-depression button

Today was my one day when I could sleep. Did I get to sleep? NO. My grandmother called at 8:30, not to be all nice, no to ask if we were coming today. So I ended up calling my mum at 8:40 complaining my heart out and she called and took care of it all. We're going to visit my grandmother tomorrow, so no sleeping then either but my mum promised lots of pillows and blankets in the backseat of the car for me.

So now I am just hanging out, watching Law and Order:svu (bought season 1 on dvd yesterday) and waiting for my friend to wake up so we can hang out and have our 'breakfast and movie' dates. We used to have them all the time before I moved and I miss them alot.

My mum will be home later and then we'll go and see my aunt and the puppy. Then on monday I will have the puppy all to myself all evening as I am puppy-sitting. Though my mum may go with me. I am also meeting my dad on monday, fun...not.

Now I am gonna go and get some coffee and watch more svu, I really can not see myself do much else today. I just want to hide under the covers in my bad all day ... ugh I hate feeling like this. Can't humans just have a button to turn off depression? Being home helps a lot but I can't go home everytime I feel bad. Sure my teacher seems to think it was a good decision but I want to be able to handle it better.
I want an anti-depression button!!

Small update

So I got to go home today to Gothenburg. I was supposed to have 2 and a half more days of school but I was feeling extremely crappy last night and my grandmother is sick so my teacher told me to go home, rest, spend time with my family and not worry about school. She is kinda nice sometimes.

So I took the train home, hardly anyone on the train which was nice but the guy taking the tickets creeped me out. Usually they are grympy...this guy was nice...not just nice, serial killer nice. Anyway, I spent the whole ride listening to my IPod and was half asleep, my anti-anxiety pills kinda does that...especially if I take them without brekfast, which I of course did.
Got home, met a friend for a walk and decided to meet her again before I go back to school. Then my mum got home and she was really nice. Scary.

This post is totally meaningless but I want to post so my friends don't tease me for not posting. So there, I posted.
I will post some kind of poem or stories soon, I promise but now I am way too tired.

Hi, my name is Dory

I was sooooo not bored on friday's class. Free writing assignment but we could use 'forgetfullness' if we wanted...

My name is Dory

Hi my name is Dory

…

Hi my name is Dory

…

Who are you?
Have you been here long?
Hi my name is Dory

…

Have we met?
My name is Dory

…

My name is Dory…who are you?

…

Are you stalking me?
My name is Dory

…

My name is Dory

…

Who the hell is Dory?
Does she live here?

…

Who am I?

…

Hi my name is Dory

Green Dancing Ducks

Today I regained my love for my school. We had a guest teacher and she was wicked fun. Like so funny and she had us do great writing exercises. The last half we had to write a story with 3 characters, we were not gonna read them out loud so I kinda went crazy with mine...and now our homework is to draw an image to that story *lol* the second she said that Helene broke out laughing because she had read my story. I don't mind though, I think it will be fun to read it in class xD
Oh and we wrote a poem about green dancing ducks too. Very importat stuff *nods*
I love that we will have her the next two fridays too.

Also Ireland may not happen now. We checked prices and they had gone up ALOT. We may check another day but so far I can't go. The scary thing is that now Elin's step dad apparently wants to know how much my Italy trip will be....we have a sneaky suspiscion he is trying to get Elin to go with me and my mum and her boyfriend. Which could be cool. .... but he is still kinda creepy to ask like that.

What if one of my close friends got murdered and I don't know

Today started off with me sleeping my way through class until 10 am. Then we had coffee and I stayed awake xD Most of the classes were kinda boring but at least we got to do some writing. We also got to do this insanely fun assignment, we had to write a poem using words we normally wouldn't use for poems. Helene wrote down what her gmail told her lol and I wrote down some crazy stuff from IKEA's home page. Then I tried to do done using only headlines from a magazine online....that was when things started to go wrong. I found out, kinda by accident, that a 21 year old girl in the samm town where I live (not school) was murdered on monday evening. I know in this day and age that this happens all the time but this is a SMALL town...she is my age. There is a 98% chance I know who she is...maybe gone to the same school, or played on the same sports team or whatever. It creeps me out and I am sick of not knowing who it is. I texted my mum during my last class but she didn't know so I texted a friend who still lives there but she didn't know either. She will snoop around though.
So now I am eating chocolate and other unhealthy stuff to numb my fear. Its helping. Very much.

Random note: our teacher counted today and we haven't had a 'real' day off in 11 days, 12 counting tomorrow. Maybe that is why I am so tired? xD